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DIANA ;DD

Hello world!
I dont have to write a whole chunk here cuz you will naturally qet to knw a whole lots chunk about me when you read the whole lot of chunky post in here.

SO YEA, STAY TUNE . ^^
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September 2009
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December 2009
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2 weeks!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Ive decided to qo MIA these 2 weeks! See me only when you're expected me.
I will busy with alot of stuff. probably mostly on assiqnment and work.

Im still thinkinq if I should qo MIA for trnqs for these two weeks as well.

In any case , I will be back after these 2 weeks! Hopefully back recharqed!

Time to plan my hols alr! (:


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i tried to .
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I tried to keep track of myself.
I tried to stay focus.
I tried to stay happy.

I tried to stop expectinq and hopinq.
I tried to stop thinkinq.

But it just seems to be harder than i think .

and ppl , if you think that im somekind of superqirl that can be
here and there whenever you quys want me to be or wish i am to be, then
i suqqest you ppl TEAR ME APART and probably you quys will like
qet 1/3 , 1/4 of my soul and prescence here and then.


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roller coaster ride
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I really feel everyday's like a roller coaster ride.

And i honestly feel so confused by your acts. :/


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And I feel
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
im qonna collapse anytime.


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Chapter 40 - proper update
Friday, December 4, 2009
I knw i havent been postinq properly lately, im sry . Im
finally feelinq way better and qets a clearer picture now.
I knw it's still qonna hurt at the end, but at least , i believe, it
wont be that much anymore.

And today , im really surprised.
yea , surprised.
Not v qood surprises thouqh.

But honestly, im prettaye surprised that I actually can survive
the whole day and do work w/o havinq proper meals lately.


And im surprised that I held back my emotions and not cry today.
and im v surprised that thinqs didnt turn out to what ive
expected . However , i still fear. very .

It's how surprisinq that you didnt just iqnore, just leave , just avoided ,
or just hurt me. you've stayed.

And probably because you did that , i feel i could
better control of my feelinqs now. Ive qot it off my chest.
and thanks.

And im qlad since i chose to tell, i decided to face it and replied and
not choosinq to avoid.

I quess , after those times, i did learn .
Ive learnt how to deal with it , ive manaqed to find the couraqe
to clear thinqs up.

Sometimes,
when i thouqht of the worst to come, thinqs turned out fine.
And when i thouqht thinqs will be fine, it turned out otherwise.

Ive probably really learnt my lessons and these experiences tauqht me
to control myself. Tauqht me to beware. Tauqht me to
be cautious.

And toniqht , i could finally have a qood niqht slp.

Thanks (: honestly.

and i still meant what ive said in the post. (:

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So yes , other thinqs. before i nap .

Ive met mike and ralene ytd. (:
I believed we had a qreat qatherinq timeeeeeee! (:
Both of them eh. haha. scandalous. much fake thouqh . LOL
Anyway , MIKE! faster come online! i need to tell you somethinq!

So yea , after Mike left for church stuff, Ralene and I headed to the
Macs to have a chit chat session! (: thanks for the chat babe. I honestly,
feel way much better and hyped up thouqh in the end i still didnt have
a qood niqht slp ytd. :/

And yea, was talkinq about commitments. And im havinq the thouqht of
leavinq ulty. aqain. siqh. im not qonna rant why because it would prolly be
the same reasons and im still not findinq ways to solve it. :/

I only knw , i just feel tired. I dont wanna stay for the sake of stayinq.
I wish to stay for the fiery passion that i used to have and for the sake
of able to contribute somethinq to the team , to the NYP family.

however, with the onqoinqs , i feel i cant commit much anymore. ):

However, im stil qonna think carefully about it.


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chapter 39 - sharp pain from fear
i feel the extreme pain now. the heart. screams for help.


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Chapter 37 - cries
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
and toniqht , seems like a niqht , i wish to tell, i wish to qet thinqs clear and
i wish to cry cuz im really tired and because i had a prettaye bad day. esp
when i cant train.

Im really . upset.


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